Shine Brightly for Christ

Archive for the ‘suffering’ Category

Never let me go

Posted by: on: April 18, 2011

Just like what Nicole said,we have been MIA in this blog but that doesn’t mean that we are going to abandon this site. Nicole moved to Virginia to pursue her Masters degree (2728 miles away from home) and I moved to Dubai,UAE  to pursue my career as a flight attendant (8330 miles away from home). We are going through a major turning point in our lives where our faith is being tested at the same time. Back at home, we have a home church, we have our Christian friends, we go to bible study every week and we have the comfort of our family. But being place in a new environment where we don’t have all of those I previously mentioned is definitely a challenge. A struggle in itself.

Not only do we have to fight temptations and sins but also all the things that come in between. The feeling of homesickness, adjusting, loneliness, stress and so much more. It is incredibly hard and painful at times. That I sometimes question myself if this is even worth it. But I know that the Lord put me here for a reason. He definitely knows what He is doing.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. . -James 1:12

The Lord is faithful and I know that He will never ever let me go of His sight no matter where I go. Even if it is at the farthest end of the world, He will always be there.

And that I could hold on to the truth that, “My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Psalm 73:26”

Please keep me and Nicole in your prayers as we need it more than before.

Broken

Posted by: on: June 21, 2010

First of all, I am sorry Lord…

Rescue me from this vicious cycle of sins


Listening to this  song broke my heart

For I have not been living well for His name

The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. -1 John 2:17

My heart’s cry

Posted by: on: April 13, 2010

I thought the whole testing of my faith is over. Little did I know,it is when I am least expecting it that it will come creeping on me…Just a split second of letting my guards down and I  already found myself dragged too deep. The weight on me,the desire of the flesh, is pulling me down. Making it hard for me to find my way back up.

Father God, forgive me for I have sinned.

I am not going to lie. I am so tempted to simply let myself fall and embrace worldliness. I am struggling and it is hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be.

Father,help me to endure this. For your glory and honor, help me to do the right thing. To let it go and walk away.

“So do not fear,for I am with you; do not be dismayed,for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” –Isaiah 41:10

The war within

Posted by: on: March 6, 2010

1 Corinthians 10:13

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

James 1:12

“Blessed is the man who preserves under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life God has promised to those who LOVE him.”

God is still at work, trying to test how far I can hold on and not let go of His hands. How am I going to deal under all these floating emotions that are clouding His truth in my mind. How long am I going to stay silent and be still, trusting His perfect plan and will.

I have been down this road before and by His amazing grace, I was able to pull through that phase and stay on the road He wants me to be.

This too will pass, I know that.

But the walls around my heart are starting to fall apart and it is tearing me down. So I turn to My Savior, asking for strength. For Him to secure my heart in His hands.

Because it is not time yet…

I have to keep fighting this on going war within my heart.

As He works in molding me to be the woman He wants me to be.

James 1: 2-4

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Let Go & Let God?

Posted by: on: October 18, 2009

Really..what does that mean? To Let Go & Let God??

Letting go hasn’t always been an easy concept for me to easily grasp, especially being the controlling person that I am. It’s a hard thing to hand over the reigns and allow all your burdens and worries to be lifted off of you completely in faith. Sometimes I may understand the idea with my head but not wholly with my heart. Whatever the situation may be, disappointments, breakups, let downs, struggles…we’re called to trust in the Lord right?? But why does it seem that some situations just hurt so much during that process?

I think that’s where I’ve got it all wrong from the get go. Giving it all up to God doesn’t always mean that He’s going to stop you from falling but he will be there when you hit the ground just like He’s been there from the very beginning. Sometimes we need to feel the fall before he can break our fall or else we’ll never know how it feels to really need Him. When we feel the effects of life’s let downs , it doesn’t mean that God let us go, He’s just teaching us how to get back up in deep need of Him. It’s going to be tough, it’s going to be a pain that you may think that you’ll never get through. But we aren’t alone if we’ve got the greatest King as our Lord & Savior in our hearts. Because what may seem overwhelming at the time, God is already overcoming in your life.  He allows us to go through the hurts, pains & dissapointment not to punish us but to test our faith. To test if we’re really living for Him or pursing other things in our lives by voicing empty words that we can’t back up with our actions.

When we say we wanna live completely for Him, we should really examine ourselves before making a commitment like that. Because the minute that one thing your pursuing gets taken away, you’re bound to get a rude awakening of what’s really important in your life. He is a Jealous God and in order for us to experience ALL of Him we have to offer Him ALL of us. The love He offers us is unconditional and isn’t determined by our status, our looks, what kind of car we drive, or whether we memorize the Bible front and back. There’s no way we can ever buy His love or repay Him but accept it as a gift that we are so undeserving of.

The cracks and bruises in our heart that seem so unfixable and far from restoration can be used for His glory. Our brokeness and sadness can turn into worshipping a God who fills the emptiness in our lives. The relationships and arguments that could be far from mending could ultimately be renewed through Him. The Lord understands us & created us, He knows we’re humans, He’s not aloof of our weaknesses, He didn’t create us to be perfect beings otherwise we wouldn’t have a need for such a flawless Savior.

Come to Him in all your rawness, hurts, angers and feelings . The more we hold onto them and harbor them in our hearts, it can lead to things that aren’t pleasing to Him and eventually distance you from His grace in your life. You’re going to want to scream, it’s going to sting, tears are going to flow endlessly but  I find so much peace in knowing that His love for me is endless. His love doesn’t have a beginning or an end. He knew me before I was in my mother’s womb. I’m not this little thing that He could care less for, He knows me by name.  My Father in heaven is actively working in my life and there is a purpose and reason to all the unknowns and ‘dot dot dots’

So this is how I see it ..

How am I going to feel and completely experience His power in my life if I’m still grabbing hold onto the ledge?

We have to fall. He’s molding us, and training us daily to become men & women after His heart. So…

Let it Go

&

Let Him

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-1

I forgot..

Posted by: on: September 21, 2009

“But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
 12 They are constantly in my thoughts.
I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.

13 O God, your ways are holy.
 Is there any god as mighty as you?
 14 You are the God of great wonders!
 You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.”

Psalm 77:11-14

It’s really easy to loose site of who HE is in the midst of consuming our minds with the importance of ME. I’ve been going through this struggle of just weakness and no motivation to want to do anything worth while. I feel as though I’m just riding through the motions of life . It’s a spiritual battle that I know I’m facing but not attacking it head on like I should be. Instead of staying still and allowing life to take it’s hold on me, I need to stand up and take action. I need to remember the mercies and the awesome power that this God of the universe has done in my life! Remember that he isn’t a mere simple and ordinary part of my life but He’s something soo BIG and soo HUGE that even the oceans bow at His feet! I need to remember my purpose in this life and lift my burdens and worries up to Him instead of wanting to suppress them. There’s nothing that I’m going through that He definitely cannot handle. It’s so easy to loose yourself if you’re not careful in guarding your heart and mind of what the world is feeding it. We’re in a constant battle and we get attacked when we least expect it especially when we think WE’VE got everything under control. but remember He’s in control!  STAY ON GUARD! this is a battle that we’re going to win..this is a battle I’m going to win! He will be victorious over my life!

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.”

I Sinned Yesterday

Posted by: on: August 24, 2009

I sinned yesterday.

…It wasn’t too bad. Nothing serious. In fact, it was nothing at all compared to how I used to be, compared to other sins I’ve committed, compared to other people I know.

I sinned… I messed up… I missed the mark of where God wants me to be. But it’s okay… because God has forgiven me, right?

This kind of attitude will get you killed. This mindset, at the very least, is a dangerous one. And yet, regrettably, I think like this sometimes. Maybe you do, too.

It’s the kind of thinking that Paul talks about in Romans 6. “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?”

Shall I keep sinning, since Christ already saved me from sin and death and hell?? NO! By NO means! Christ saved me from sin….so I shall no longer sin. That’s what Romans 6 seems to be saying.

But, somehow, that doesn’t make sense to me! If Christ has saved me from my sin, how come I still sin? Why do I still have a desire to lie or hate or covet or lust? Why is there still pride and selfishness and deceit in this heart of mine, which Christ has cleansed and changed and made new? Why do I still sin if Christ has set me free from sin?

The girls invited me to write something for their blog. When they told me, I was overjoyed. Believe me, it’s an honor. But, at the same time, I… I felt like I had nothing to say. To be honest, in recent weeks, my walk with God has been at a standstill, in a gutter–you could say, almost going down the drain.

Sometimes, I started to think… maybe, just maybe, I’m not a Christian after all. “The man who says, ‘I know him,’ but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him” (I John 2:4). Having disobeyed Christ over and over again, perhaps I am not really saved. Perhaps, I have been fooled all these years and I am not really alive in Christ, but rather dead still in my sin; and the grace of the Father–God forbid!–is not mine!

This is what kills the Christian. This mindset of “maybe I’m not a Christian after all”…… which originates from not taking sin seriously; treating God’s gift of grace like “fire insurance”; failing to remember what Christ has done for us; forgetting His love, His sacrifice, His grace! Forgetting the CROSS! This is a wide road that leads to destruction. This is a doorway to hypocrisy and apostasy and judgment. This is “crucifying once again the Son of God…and holding him up to contempt” (Hebrews 6:6). With His blood, Jesus paid for our freedom from sin. He sets us free——I know that! He promises me that! When I forget that… when I forget Christ, I am crucifying Him once again. What a dreadful thought.

When I find myself stuck in this rut, I realize that my doubts and my struggles and my questions all stem from one thing–I have forgotten what Christ has done for me. I Peter 1 talks about followers of Christ who are not bearing fruit. “For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins” (I Peter 1:9). When Christ saved me, His amazing grace opened my eyes and freed me from slavery. But, having forgotten what He has done, I embrace again the blindness, the stumbling, the slaving for sin, the old, familiar routine. I forget…and it’s scary!

It’s scary to think what might happen if I stay in this position, if I continue ingesting the poisonous lies of the Liar, if I will not get back up out of this rut, this valley, this amnesia, this forgetting JESUS! If I continue this way, then…

But, NO! Jesus says to get back up. THIS is the point of grace…that we can’t do it on our own. We’re so weak! And Christ is glorified all the more in our weakness. God’s grace is all the more glorious in our failings. He says He’ll get us through…persevere…hold fast…to the end. Our job is to get back up and keep remembering what He did for us.

I… we… need to REMEMBER the cross. Constantly. REMEMBER the grace that He’s poured and continues to lavish upon us. REMEMBER the hope that is in us, that can never be taken away, because if the Son has set you free, you are free indeed! Rest in the set-in-stone fact that Christ died for you and now you’re living for Him.

Remember it.

Turn to God

Posted by: on: August 8, 2009

I went into emotional distress (that if I will put into a more common term,I’ll say “mood swings” or “being the girl I am”) thursday night after I hang out with my friend for some unknown reason. One of those days when you feel like all the happy and cheerful thoughts have been stripped away from you.

It didn’t help that the day after,which is friday, I was pretty much idle the whole time.  Did not do my devotion, did not work out,did not do anything efficient at all except sat in front of my computer and tv.  I feel like a ghost just swiftly drifting to the air as a lifeless body. To top it all,that friday night I could not sleep and decided to look at my old planner for the past events that have happened. That wasn’t a good idea and a smart move for me to do. For a good couple of hours,I feel like I was reliving year 2007 and 2008 over again. All the bad choices,poor decisions,mistakes,problems and heartaches came rushing back. Before I fell into unconsciousness,I was officially troubled and depressed with my past actions.

Saturday did not go any better for me.  Day 2 of not doing my devotion. Would not go into details but it sure was an emotional breakdown. I was too irritated. I was downcast. I want to be alone.

Then thank GOD it was sunday. Sunday has got to be my favorite day of the week. But on that particular day,I was hesitant and feeling lazy to go to church. I literally have to drag my unwilling self to go. I am very grateful that I did because I needed it. It was as if a big burden has been lifted off from me. Like someone finally decided to open the lights on the dark and empty room I was in,loving enough to go looking for me and found me when no one else was looking.

The answer all along to what I was going through was clearly right in front of me the entire time-my Heavenly Father who is omniscience of and omnipresent in my life. But I was pushing HIM away when I am suppose to be turning to HIM on moments,times and days like this. I was doing so because of the previous wrong doing I’ve done earlier that week. I’m like a child that got caught in a lie and cannot look her parents straight in the eye because she was too embarrass about it. Every time I find myself guilty of a sin, I  tend to shy away from GOD. I am too ashamed of my evil deeds that I want to be out of HIS sight and hide from HIM,as if that is possible.

Job 34: 21 says, “His eyes are on the ways of men; he sees their every step. “

And Hebrews 4;13, Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eye’s of him to whom we must give account.

I can’t run away from GOD and the truth is, I don’t really want to do that. But as humans,we tend to get flooded with emotions and we act on impulse. Luckily, we have a kind GOD in heaven who never gets tired of waiting for us to come back in HIS arms every time we turn our back to HIM.

Regarding my sin,there is no way I could cover it up for GOD will find out no matter what. GOD knows and HE will always do. Just as what the LORD said on Jeremiah 1:5, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,before you were born I set you apart. Every single thought that comes into my head, GOD already knew before I even think about it. Every single action that I do, GOD already knew before I even do it. Every single desire that I feel, GOD already knew before I even yearn for it. And every time I fall into sin, GOD already knew[for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.-Romans 3:23] that is why He sent his one and only son to die for  our sins and redeem us for HE loves us so much. -John 3:16

As J.I. Packer said in his book,  Knowing God

“There is unspeakable comfort-the sort of comfort that energizes,be it said,not enervates-in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic,based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me,so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me,in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me. “

GOD knows I am empty,broken,weak and evil in nature but HE strongly believed that I am worth it and willingly sacrifice HIS son for me,for us. So that Jesus was able to established a way for us to come directly to the Father,to our Great GOD. So I turn to GOD to fill me,to complete me,to make me strong and to make me holy.

So I have to keep in mind that in moments of emotional distress, crisis, suffering, trials, problems and all the worst possible things you could possibly think of, I should always turn to the one who has answer to everything–to my one and only GOD.

I turn to GOD but who do you turn to?


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