When the Lord says No several times and says Yes when you’ve learned to be still before Him, you know that He truly is God.

I closed the door on the whole idea of Grad School and the thought of starting this Fall. Rejection after rejection was really taking a toll on me and broke me every single time. I wanted so bad just to get my career going and be assured that I had a future that would allow me to help others and also help my family. Sure I could’ve worked for a year and gained experience and do the whole application process again, but my drive and resilience became bruised. I had my path set out and my timeline but the Lord had a different plan. That dream was becoming diminished and I started to search for Plan B’s,C’s,D’s… Although I just graduated with my BA and was completely thrilled and proud about my accomplishment, deep inside I wasn’t content and still felt a bit of hurt and despair. I put on a smile on the outside but inside I didn’t feel at peace.

It took a stab at my pride and my controlling nature. I cried out so many times to the Lord seeking for direction and just for a glimmer of peace and hope. Life wasn’t going the way that I wanted and I began to question my abilities and self-worth. I compared myself to others and convinced myself that I was less, I wasn’t good enough, and I was just incompetent. But as I caught myself drowning into these thoughts that would only come from the enemy. I had to stop. I had to stop falling into the hole of self-pity and realize that the only way I really could be defeated by all this is if I stay down & soak in the negativity.

I had to realize that my life is miniscule in comparison to the life i’ll be spending with the Lord. The minor accomplishments and achievements I make here won’t make or break me. As long as I continue to trust in the Lord and rely on His provisions, He will never leave nor forsake me. When a door closes , it just means God has something better for you. I had to know that God had something better for me in His plan for me. My little brain had to wrap itself around the divine nature of my Lord and His perfect timing.

So once I let go of the reigns and let my troubled heart set free and basked in the Lord’s will and power, I got my answer. A week after graduation I received that letter. I received the Yes that I never thought would come. The Lord really was teaching me to be patient and stretched it out .  The date on the letter was marked a month earlier and I believe it was sent out later so that God could continue to teach me to rely on Him. The longer I waited, the stronger my faith in Him grew. If I were to find out I got accepted earlier in the year, I would’ve fallen into boastfulness and pride. “God is never too late or too early, too fast or too slow. He has always been and always will be right on time.”

Now that I have this door open to me, I am in complete shock and humility. The Lord is forever just and faithful. I could see His hand working in all of this. God is so good, He is good all the time. Of course I struggle with all the fears and thoughts of the unknown. But the fear should never hinder me from pushing forward because my  Lord conqueours all fears and doubts.

As I move on with this journey, I give all honor & glory to God. He is Sovereign over all and deserves all praise. I will continue to go where He leads me and trust and be still knowing that He is God.

“Be still, and know that I am God” – Psalm 46:10